https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imd\_QRQbVeY

1 00:00:00.000 --\> 00:01:00.000 i think envy absolutely does not make
you happy but i do think that envy will make you successful \[Music\]
hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the game uh what i want
to talk to you about today was a conversation that i had with nick
bayerly we went to dinner um last night he has a a mastermind of men uh
called billion dollar uh billion dollar brotherhood and uh we were
having conversation about motivation and i figured i'd share with you
because i think it was of a lot of value and so i was sharing that
recently i had delineated between the feelings of envy and jealousy and
how important it has been for me to be able to first name those emotions
so that i could then analyze how i was feeling about them and the
actions that i would subsequently take as a result of them and so i want
to at least first cover those and then i'll tell you about our
conversation and so

2 00:01:00.000 --\> 00:02:00.000 envy is having the the desire for
something that someone else has that you do not have so you are lacking
and someone else has something that you want and do not have that is
envy jealousy is when you have a threat that someone is going to take
something that you have that they do not have all right and so for
example i'll give you an example of each so envy i may be envious of a
friend of mine so um i was actually talking to a good friend of mine who
runs a big weight loss company and right now he's doing better than i am
and now i am envious of his success i am i can feel it i'm envious i got
off the phone i was like i am envious of you right on the flip side if
someone comes to talk to layla right it is the fact that they pose the
threat of taking attention or her attention that i think should
continuously belong to me that i would feel jealous over i haven't had i
haven't felt jealousy in a long time but that is that is an example it
could also be like with your kids if you have

3 00:02:00.000 --\> 00:03:00.000 some you know some other adult in their
life starts taking their attention or has more influence over them you
are jealous of the influence that that person is now is threatening your
influence over your child right so two examples they're nuanced but i
think it's important and when i was talking to nick barely about this i
was talking about how i think envy um gets a bad rap and i'm not going
to go into the spiritual religious side of this or even the happiness
side of this because i think envy absolutely does not make you happy but
i do think that envy will make you successful all right and so this this
is where i want to kind of dive into this envy is adaptive right as
human beings this is actually from our old brain right this is animals
have this too they are envious of one another and it's because if in a
group one person or one being one animal whatever brings more to the
table you are now envious of that person and what it does is it elevates
the rest of the group to go and achieve the same which is good for the
collective not happier for each of the individuals but is a pro survival
tool

4 00:03:00.000 --\> 00:04:00.000 right and so for me understanding this
and at least being able to name the emotion rather than saying i don't
like this guy or i'm angry at this person or having this negative
feeling that you cannot put words to instead being able to say i am
envious has been very relieving for me because now i can actually tell
those people hey i'm envious of you and for some reason i think it just
creates another level of candor because it's a certain level of
vulnerability and saying you have something that i wish i had but then
you'll notice that the conversation is not defensive on that person's
part most of the time they're like well let me help you and it's only
when we guide our intentions or try and or try and feign you know
pretend to be a different way than we are where people also can sense
that you're being disingenuous like a great job man right when you
realize deep down and they can tell from your your subtle tonality
changes and the way you look that the um that you're actually not happy
for them right and so i think if you can only say it then it actually
gives you power now in terms of judging your motivations

5 00:04:00.000 --\> 00:05:00.000 because obviously you might think that
envy is a bad uh motivation it is my belief that i would rather deal
with people who do good things for bad reasons than bad reasons for good
things or i said the same thing twice but uh they do the right thing for
the wrong reasons rather than the wrong things for the right reason all
right i'd rather someone who does the right outcome and he gave me an
example that was really powerful he said a friend of his um was a top
navy seal and uh you know one of the best navy seals he trains navy
seals just a total badass right and before that he was an emt and he
talked about his experience as being an emt is that most people think
you know emts have to be really caring you want them to you know they
have to save these people's lives every day and he said uh the navy seal
was saying i was not compassionate at all i didn't really care that much
about the person who was on the table in front of me but what i did care
about was my stats i cared about the status of being the best

6 00:05:00.000 --\> 00:06:00.000 i wanted to have the fastest of the
hospital i want to have the highest survival rates highest success rates
of the people that were under my care because i cared about myself being
the best and so the question is if you were the person who was on the
table having a heart attack would you rather have the compassionate emt
or would you rather have the self-interested emt who is doing it for
status well if it were me i'd rather have the guy who wanted to pride
himself on being the best in the world and didn't even care about me at
all because i knew his result was going to be more pro-me than the other
persons and so i think that as as humans as entrepreneurs we judge
ourselves a lot on our motivations and our in our intentions but i think
that if we can take a step back and a name the emotion so that's not
this amorphous thing that we can't understand but then take the next
step and say is this is this a pro adaptive emotion is this something
that's going to help me or is this an emotion that's going to drive me
to do something that is negative and i think at least even even in
naming

7 00:06:00.000 --\> 00:07:00.000 that we can increase the time between
emotion and action and the further that time gap is in general the
better the quality of the decisions we make because the more rational we
are we're never completely rational because we're we're emotion driven
beings and we have limbic systems that override things but the more we
can decrease the triggers of the emotional triggers that that cause us
to make bad decisions ultimately the better decisions we make and so i i
say all this to say big picture first naming the emotions is important
second it creates space so we can make better decisions third we can
analyze those decisions and say is this something that is going to help
me in my life or is this something that's going to hurt me and then as a
result of this we don't have to judge ourselves as strongly on why we
are doing things and rather what is being done uh because candidly i am
a very envious individual and maybe this is me just um rationalizing my
own negative

8 00:07:00.000 --\> 00:08:00.000 you know emotions who knows but at
least for me saying it that way and framing the thought process in that
way has helped me feel better about myself and just not or really just
less bad if that's probably a better way of saying it and not constantly
berating myself for having desires that i think are wrong and so dan
sullivan said this and i'll end with this is that when people want
something if you want to make more money if you want to have a bigger
house you want to have a bigger car you want to build a podcast studio
whatever right he said wanting is reason enough because so many times we
ask but why do we want that we're probably not going to change the
desire and so letting us letting ourselves desire things and giving
ourselves permission to desire things uh and myself specifically um has
been incredibly freeing and what it's done has given me a tremendous
amount of my attention back that used to be allocated to analyzing

9 00:08:00.000 --\> 00:09:00.000 why i'm feeling this way or why this is
right or why this is wrong and instead accepting the fact that i want
something and that wanting it is okay as long as it is not something
that is hurting other people and that is not something that is hurting
me and so anyways i hope that makes sense i hope that provided you some
value or hopefully maybe some clarity around putting words to your own
emotions the decisions that results from them and whether they are
positive or negative and eliminating the judgment from that equation
provided it's something that helps so anyways keep being awesome keep
you amazing and have an awesome great magic money day catch you soon bye
\[Music\] \[Music\] \[Applause\] you
