https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GRfCTu9Lsg

1 00:00:00.000 --\> 00:01:00.000 the single most important decision that
you have in increasing your net worth do you guys know what it is it is
not the business that you start it is not uh the industry even that you
are in that's important it is not the market you serve it is not your
pricing it is not your legion strategy it is one thing it is who you
marry the reason that i think this is one of the most important
decisions you make in your life is because that person will either be
constantly grating at you or that person will be supporting you and i
think the vast majority of marriages either fall in the grading category
or the neutral category the number one question that i get related to
this is how do i get my wife and this is more for the fellas but for
ladies just reverse the genders how do i get my wife to be like layla
how do i get her to like business and the simple answer is you don't
because you don't change who you marry right you're not they're not
going to change right and so what i wanted to do is kind of explain to
you how this came to be for us and i think that we have a

2 00:01:00.000 --\> 00:02:00.000 lot of counter-intuitive or contrarian
views on marriage and love and i think that we have a very very good
marriage and it has worked really well and so i'll share some of the
things that have been different for us than most people so when i met
layla we actually went on a date and it was a 15 minute day because i
tried to get her to do uh froyo because i said it was low commitment and
if either of us was weird we could dip out really quickly and so she
agreed and so we went to froyo and uh and you know within a little bit
we we hit it off but not in the way that you would normally expect like
there was not any there was really no romantic anything there was no
chemistry i wasn't like man i think this girl is amazing i was just like
very interested in her um and i thought she was smart and i thought she
liked the same stuff as me so i was like this is cool like she's
interesting we ended up walking and talking for like four hours but we
didn't have any like romantic chemistry at all and even like on our
second or third date layla was like i don't really get

3 00:02:00.000 --\> 00:03:00.000 any vibes from you like romantically at
all i was like okay cool but over time obviously uh we worked on that
but in that first couple dates uh she was in fitness and she was like
one of the top salesmen at 24 hour fitness at the time and i had a and i
and i was in fitness too and i had you know a few gyms at the time and
so i said gosh you got to stop working for them you should work for me
because i knew if someone could sell i knew we could make a lot of money
together and so i pitched her on the idea of quitting her job and coming
to work for me which of course she said no because she just met me from
the internet but anyways i i did end up saying hey i'm gonna do this
thing called gym launch and she was like okay i don't care i just met
you and i was like it's gonna be it's gonna be something and so i went
and um i flew and did the first three gym launches this is when we used
to fly out and i did like gym turnarounds and we did i did three of
those and i came back she picked from the airport we talked on the phone
every night and i had not taken her on a date up to this point so now
it's been like two or three months at this point that we'd been quote
dating i had actually taken her out anywhere it was always like hey if
you just wanna like hang out with me i'm

4 00:03:00.000 --\> 00:04:00.000 gonna be working all day and it was
that was kind of like we spent every day together but it was just like i
just enjoyed being around each other and so we did this right uh we i
came back she picked me at the airport and she was like you better take
me on a date i was like okay okay one thing first right uh you gotta
help me process these contracts and she was like ah fine we went i
poured us both a drink and i taught her how to process the contracts and
then within an hour we'd process a hundred thousand dollars in sales and
she looked at me she was like what do you do again and i was like ah now
you're interested and she was like is it legal i was like yeah it's
legal and she was like okay i'm in at that point she actually left her
her roster of personal training clients and joined me in launching the
gyms and so we very much started our relationship in business together
and then learned the love and romance side i think the business side i
think she said this too it became natural to both of us we we naturally
worked well together and i think there's no coincidence that

5 00:04:00.000 --\> 00:05:00.000 my business has exploded once i met
layla because she really was the yin to my yang when it came to
everything that we had to do and this is important for anybody who has a
partner in business the the thing that got us from four or five hundred
thousand dollars a month to making millions a month was understanding
the division of roles and so i you know she was really naturally good at
sales uh and so was i and so we were both kind of like just you know tag
teaming and that was cool in the beginning because everyone was kind of
doing everything but at some point we needed to divide up
responsibilities and so we went to a mentor we drew everything on the
board of what we needed to do and there's this huge thing of just tasks
and activities that we're doing every single day every single week and
so he took this big marker and he drew a lot you know big circle around
like 80 percent of it and he was like all right all this goes to layla
and the stuff that was just marketing sales and product he was like this
is alex's and i was like oh this is a great deal right and the thing is
is that layla being as growth-oriented as she is basically i remember
because she kept telling herself she was like i'm not going to be

6 00:05:00.000 --\> 00:06:00.000 the reason this business fails and so
she just learned all of this stuff i mean i think that's one of the big
reasons that that we were able to massively explode after that because
we had an amazing operator who could basically fulfill on the promises
and and handle the the flow that i could generate and so we started
working together and then it became kind of weird because you know the
business was growing really quickly and some of the employees were like
so you guys are just like dating we're like yeah and they're like they
start to get worried because like what if you guys break up you know and
we were like oh we broke up we'd still do the business together but it
got to a point where i was like you know this is this is getting to we
need to make a decision about this relationship and so i actually came
to layla and i had a true proposition all right like a proposal in the
in the truest sense of the word and so i said what do you what would you
say um if we got married i was like i think it makes a lot of sense and
she was like i mean i i would say yes and i was like all right i was
like

7 00:06:00.000 --\> 00:07:00.000 well here's my reasoning and so i broke
down the reason i was like we're both young i was like we both have
persian backgrounds we're both so we have the same cultural things like
we get that that side of ourselves we both like fitness you like
business we work together all right i was like i feel like this could
this makes sense like we should do this and so she agreed and so we went
we got in the car and we went and uh i was like i guess we gotta get you
a ring and so he got in the car got her a ring came back 45 minutes
later he was like well shoot i guess we gotta get a church thing
organized and so we called up a pastor and i was like you free wednesday
night and he was like yeah i think it was like a sunday um and he was
like are you sure like this is fast and we're like yeah we're sure so we
went to the back to church and got married uh that wednesday night so we
were engaged for like less than a week and um that was it we actually
told our parents after uh we got married so no one knew uh we just we
got married and then told everyone afterwards it was pretty cool and
it's been interesting though because our the business always came easy
and the romance and the relationship was the

8 00:07:00.000 --\> 00:08:00.000 part that we had to work at um the love
side of the relationship because we just we mesh so naturally on the
business side and so i say this to say for everyone who continues to ask
the question how do i make my wife like layla i think that you're not
going to do that i think laila is layla right and i think that your wife
is your wife or your partner is your partner right and so you have to
figure out what that yin and yang relationship is going to be and if
that person is not in the business it is leilani is both of our beliefs
that there are really only two roles that that person can play in your
life they can either be and i got this from garyvee but i 100 agree with
it um you they can either be a cheerleader or they can be a fullback all
right so the cheerleader is the person who's on the sideline who's
cheering you on to win the game right because at the end of the day the
cheerleader who actually wants the team to win would never ask the
quarterback to come out of the game when the game is on the line all
right and you know the difference because if when the game is on the
line that cheerleader is asking you to throw in the towel asking you to
to hang your locker you know put stuff

9 00:08:00.000 --\> 00:09:00.000 up in the locker room and leave the
game with that per with them then that's not a cheerleader that's
neither right and that's my point is that if they're not doing one of
these two things they are detracting from what you ultimately want to do
and there's nothing wrong with a spouse who's not in the business that's
totally fine and it's a decision and that's okay right but you still
need to be supportive all right so the question are you going to be
supportive in that you are covering the other aspects of your life
together and the role that that cheerleader plays is that when you are
not at work it helps you detach from works you gain distance gain
perspective you can realize that there are other things that are
important in life which ultimately will actually make you a better
business person because if business is the only thing you have right
then all of your chips are always on it which makes you more emotional
and erratic and makes you make worse decisions so if you realize it
gives you context and perspective which is why whenever you have a death
of someone who's close to you the gift of that death is the perspective
that it gives us right and so that is the role that that cheerleader has
is they give you perspective and context to the importance or relative
importance of business in your life right but they are supportive
because they understand that

10 00:09:00.000 --\> 00:10:00.000 it is for the team right the other
role is the role is the dynamic that layla and i have which is the full
back uh roll which is that one person is block blocking while the other
person carries the ball down the down the field and we're rotating right
one person blocks the other person carries one person blocks one person
carries and that has been the role um that we have had is that we're
both on the field together and so um each of those has different pros
and cons right uh and we we were big believers are big followers of
esther perel who's a relationship expert and i think this was such a i'm
going to share this with you because i think it's so valuable as
americans or many of us in the western world we want to solve problems
when in reality many times there are dichotomies that must be managed
but cannot be solved i'll give you a business example how do you solve
micromanaging versus uh you know abdication or delegation right how do
you how do you solve that you don't solve it it is a dichotomy that must
be managed and relationships as we see them have the same dichotomy
between closeness and familiarity and distance

11 00:10:00.000 --\> 00:11:00.000 and intrigue all right and so what
happens is in the beginning of most relationships because you are so
distant and you have some similarities if you take some steps towards
closeness the relationship improves right you get to know the person
better you start to trust them more and you're like this is awesome but
what happens is that if you continue down that path you become brother
and sister and you just become roommates because you live together
you're so familiar there's no variety and there's no mystery there's no
intrigue right and believe me as layla and i we work together we live
together we're in the same house we work out at the same jet like we
spend all of our time so what we have to do is we actively create space
and so i think what's important is to figure out where you are on this
dichotomy and figure out what action or where you need to lean towards
in your tendencies in the relationship to find the middle ground and
obviously it's going to sway it's like a pendulum but you try and keep
it in the middle and so for us like i said because we're in business
together we actually have to actively create space so we have different
offices they're on opposite

12 00:11:00.000 --\> 00:12:00.000 sides of the house we try not to be on
the same meetings and things like that because at the end of the day if
i want to say hey would you do today actually don't answer i was on
every meeting with you there's no space everything is familiar and
familiarity though comforting is not attractive right and so which is
why you know like it's like joke the joke is like it's like a brother or
sister right like you live together but like it's like right because
you're so familiar right you know everything about that person now the
flip side is a complete stranger there's all the mystery but there's no
trust right and so to have the long-term relationship it is our belief
that you have to manage both of those things and so the flip side is a
lot of people get married right and one person works and one person
doesn't work and that's okay but what happens is they start to grow
apart and because they're not sharing the same reality they go further
further apart until the person feels like a stranger to them right and
you've probably heard that from people right and so if you're in one of
those relationships then the goal should always be how can we share our
experience how can we create a

13 00:12:00.000 --\> 00:13:00.000 shared reality how can we grow
together and make sure we are growing in the same direction because the
entrepreneurial stimulus that you're going to get from business is going
to change you it is going to force you to adapt and by extension grow
and the stimulus that your partner is going through is going to force
them to adapt and grow and the goal is how can we align that growth so
it's in the same direction so that we look at each other 15 years from
now we don't think who did i marry right and the person you might have
changed and so might have they but i think that in order to maintain the
relationship it's maintaining the the middle ground of that dichotomy
and so for us our process around this is uh is we always create space to
be missed um and i think that some of you who have maybe had a spouse or
somebody who you spent a lot of time with if you actually go travel
somewhere and then come back it's almost like your relation in my
opinion i feel like my experience has been it's been better and so it's
like you're like miss the person and i think that we need to create more
space to be missed especially if you work with your spouse and so for us
the relationship has been very much a love logically format we both

14 00:13:00.000 --\> 00:14:00.000 share the belief that you can create
love through actions and so we did not have the romantic love we learned
it we actually i you know i i would not say that i was in love with
layla when we got married real talk i was not in love with layla when we
got married i loved her as a person um and i thought that the decision
made sense but we were not in love and it took us i would say it took us
until i'd say it took us until 2020 uh december of 2019 we kind of came
to a head and we both said that we didn't want to keep living our lives
this way so we had you know we were just making i mean a lot of money
and we still do but like our lives are very different now right and it
was all because the the money that we made for both of us was out of
scarcity and lack right we were so fear driven that we were going to
lose the thing that we made and so just so you know as you're as you're
building your business in the beginning you fear being poor as you kind
of transition in the middle you fear losing the status that the the
money has gotten you right and so the fears change over time but anyways
we've

15 00:14:00.000 --\> 00:15:00.000 gotten to this point and i think we
had made 30 million dollars in profit in the last 24 months um and we
both were like i don't want to keep living this way and so that was when
we decided going into 2020 that we were going to like prioritize our
marriage and so what's interesting is that in 2020 despite the fact that
our businesses got hit because of covert and went on we have a lot of
brick and mortar uh based businesses uh our marriage probably like
tripled that year in terms of how much better it is now et cetera and it
was because we actively spent a lot of time um making sure that there
was no space between us from uh from uh not in the way that i met
earlier but that there were not things between us i think she uses the
the catchment for that like whatever sits between you on the couch that
you gotta make sure there's nothing there and so i think that there were
some things that i you know i had held on to that i had resented and i
think there were some things that she had done too or whatever i mean
minor stuff but stuff that grows and i think even the fact that we were

16 00:15:00.000 --\> 00:16:00.000 unhappy in working and making as much
money as we were was growing was grading at both of us because we we
both saw each other working so hard we were like well i don't want to be
the one who's not working hard and so we both felt like we'd be letting
the other person down and so i think we're even saying hey i'm not
really happy with how life is going for us was actually really valuable
because then it was like oh you feel that way too i feel that way and
then all of a sudden it was like this whole thing diffused and it was
this big fear that we had that if we voiced that we weren't happy with
how something was going the other person would be like well i am happy
right that wasn't the case at all and so by even just admitting that we
had a shared reality it allowed us uh to move forward with a with a a
perspective of like truth and integrity first and so not integrity in
terms of line but truth and radical candor about about where we're at
emotionally in the moment we've we really tried to keep that and it's
been it's served us very well and so if you have a spouse who's in your
business i think figuring out whether the person is a cheerleader or a
full-back is an important step right and then

17 00:16:00.000 --\> 00:17:00.000 adjusting whether you're trying to get
closer or trying to get farther away from that person and create space
if you need it or create closeness if you need it to manage that
dichotomy uh is important and then finally uh understanding that at
least for us love was something that we were able to create rather than
something that we got had to marry for and so we married for logic we
married for business reasons and i honestly it was one of the best
decisions if not the best decision business-wise that i have ever made
in my entire life and so um if you are in that situation then those are
just a handful of perspectives i'll share more um as more come to me but
i thought that it would be valuable since a lot of people continue to
ask me about what is the working dynamic like between layla and i um and
hopefully this video does a little bit uh to put some context to it so
mozy nation i love you as always i have nothing to sell you uh my name
is my name's acquisition.com my name's alex from mozilla on
acquisition.com we do 85 million a year and like i said i have nothing
to sell you if you enjoyed this hit the subscribe button and i will see
you guys in the next video keep being awesome bye
