https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl\_IkHyKHJI

1 00:00:00.000 --\> 00:01:00.000 a lot of people have heard the term
your network is your net worth to a degree that's true to the other
degree that's the average of the five people you spend the most time
with well it's not true for bill gates and for jeff bezos because the
people that they spend time with are less than their net worth which
would mean that their net would be less than that and so you know there
are statements that are thrown around frequently that don't have
necessarily a lot of evidence but you know are i would say spiritually
correct and so what i want to talk about today and for those who don't
know me my name is alex for mosey i own acquisition.com it's a portfolio
of companies over 100 million a year and i have nothing to sell you and
i make these videos because i just love getting troll comments about
being in my mom's basement this is not this is actually just a closet
cause i just like having no windows and i wear the things that i'm
comfortable in that being said in the last year i would say that i fell
out of touch with the last two friends that i had from high school and
or college and this has been a process that's happened you know
gradually over time and i was having a conversation with dean graziosi
who has become a very very close friend of mine and i brought

2 00:01:00.000 --\> 00:02:00.000 the topic up with him and i thought the
discussion would be worth sharing and so one of the things that he told
me early on in our relationship which really really gave me a lot of
pause was the cost of his dreams and so i asked him earlier on and it
was about 18 months ago before layla and i decided to build kind of our
personal brands etc about you know the cost of fame and he said yeah you
know i've got people who show up at my house and people who leave weird
mean comments and he's like all the time the thing is is that that is a
price i'm willing to pay to make the impact that i want to make with my
life when he said that it just it really struck me because to me it was
in a lot of ways you know selfish to kind of not spread the message out
of fear of what it would cost me that being said there's obviously pros
that you know you know we've made whatever decision that they outweigh
the cons but it was just an interesting perspective in terms of just it
is a price that he was willing to pay and so i want to lead this
discussion towards the friend conversation that had with him and he had
said that he recently had lost one of his last friends the last friend
that he had had from kind of his childhood and i think

3 00:02:00.000 --\> 00:03:00.000 that there's a lot of people who are
like you know never forget where you come from and the people who
supported you et cetera and i think that's true but i think for the vast
majority of us a lot of people don't support us on our way up at least
it felt that way for me what's interesting is that a lot of people root
for you until you do better than them and they stop rooting for you and
i'm not saying that the the people um that i'm talking about were like
that but it's just that was like the first wave of friends that i lost
and it was just because they didn't actually want to see me win and i
had a quote uh the other day that went pretty viral on twitter which was
real friends talk to your face and praise you behind your back and fake
friends do the opposite and when i say talk i mean like bullshitting you
know what i mean like give each other you know give each other flack if
i'm giving someone flack they know that we're homies you know dr cashy i
was i was i was thinking about patenting uh the hormozy advertising
cycles i spent so long developing the cycle which is going to be in one
of the books that comes up you know in the future and his comment was
get over yourself and that's what i and that's exactly what i want from
a friend right i want somebody who's going to say that rather than be
like oh that's cool and then be like i can't believe this guy

4 00:03:00.000 --\> 00:04:00.000 and so we have these people that we
collect you know throughout our lives and sometimes that come in you
know you've probably heard the saying they're here for a season a reason
or a lifetime and i think you know for me a lot of people have been
seasonal and so i wanted to share that because i know that i'm sure some
of you have had a similar path to me in that i didn't have a tremendous
amount of support from my parents i think they now retroactively think
they supported me because it's much easier that way but i did not i did
not have any support from my parents for the decisions that i took until
it was already beyond obvious that i was going to be successful and that
took years and that was very hard for me at the time i think friends
fell in that same category and so when i was having this discussion with
dean we we dove into this a little bit more but as we you know ascend
towards our goals and i don't say a send in a literal sense in terms of
like socioeconomic status or whatever but just like we move closer
towards we want to where we want to go and our vision and our mission
and our lives become clear it also becomes clear when you have contrast
with people from your past

5 00:04:00.000 --\> 00:05:00.000 and i have several rules of thumb that
are i begin to develop around these relationships one of them is if i
can only talk about the past with someone they usually aren't good
friends of mine because i don't really live in the past i live in the
future i live in where i want to go what i want to do the things that i
find interesting or the present of the things that i find interesting
today or right now top of mind and if i can't talk about those things
with somebody then our friendship kind of by its very nature will
decline over time because there is no growth right because it's only in
the past and i have felt a tremendous amount of guilt around the loss of
those relationships but i also felt a guilt of carrying them on as in i
felt like i needed to water these plants out of necessity rather than
out of you know some sort of exchange now some people might decry that
or speak against the idea of having an exchange but i don't think that's
realistic i think that people stay in relationships because there is an
exchange of value that occurs now i think the difference is the strength
or depth of the relationship is how long you are willing to wait for the
exchange to occur so a

6 00:05:00.000 --\> 00:06:00.000 parent for example is willing to wait a
very long time for a positive exchange from a child coming back to them
right now and some people could make the argument that you know children
are a gift throughout that entire period of time and that's awesome and
that's a perspective whatever but just to use the time frame as a nice
thinking process if you just met someone if you don't feel like there's
you know a huge benefit to to to knowing them you know within the
immediate future you probably don't really pursue them out and the
longer you have had positive exchanges the longer you are willing to
wait for the next one right it's it's intermittent reinforcement from a
behavior standpoint right like we are literally reinforced in this
relationship and the way that addiction works is the same thing right
like you immediately get positive hits and then you can start extending
how long before you get another positive hit which is also how abusive
relationships work right like abuse abuse positive abuse positive
positive pause and then like abuse and then positive is a little bit
later and then a little bit later until the point where there's almost
no positive whatsoever i'm not saying that's how you should run
relationships but more so how we work as humans the point of me breaking
this down is that i

7 00:06:00.000 --\> 00:07:00.000 have lost a lot of the friends or
almost all of the friends that i had when i started my journey and the
upside is people will come into your life to fill the vacuum that the
other people left but sometimes it doesn't happen immediately and i
think getting comfortable with having space is a good thing and a lot of
people have the impulse or urge to always have people around them and i
think it's to their own detriment because i think if you can spend time
alone with your thoughts and be okay with just being you without other
people then you are more selective and it's the same way with dating
some people can't be alone some people can't be without a significant
other and so they just end up chatting up with the first person they see
after they become single again right and it's because they have a fear
of being alone more than they hold a they have an aligned mission with
someone that they think that this person is really the best pick and so
a lot of ways are similar to dating with friends in that we can hold out
uh and really just pick the best people and i think that you know if we
at least for me if i have two or three good friends i'm i'm more

8 00:07:00.000 --\> 00:08:00.000 than satisfied my cup is very full but
i think where i feel drained is where i feel like i have lots and lots
and lots of acquaintances that are transactional in nature but purely
transactional or at least they have a much shorter time horizon for the
transactions to occur and so i sell this to say if you have lost friends
during the process of the climb i don't think it is something that you
should lament or be upset about i think that it is a sign of growth
because a lot of people say hey you've changed and the only natural
response that i can have to that is you have it and i think that that's
kind of sums up the entirety of this of this video which is if you grow
you change some people most people don't like change especially if they
themselves have not grown or changed and or if they have grown in a
different direction from you and it is natural for us to not want to
continue relationships with people that have grown or have values that
are too far in contrast to our own in those contract those values can
change over

9 00:08:00.000 --\> 00:09:00.000 time and that's okay and so i think
that for me it took me a really long time to navigate through this and
it was kind of an emotionally explorative experience to just say that's
okay and is this price something that i'm willing to pay and for me it's
a resounding yes i would be far more sad that i had not realized my
potential or what i hope to accomplish in my life in exchange for
relationships that that i sacrificed in order sacrificed my dreams in
order to maintain now that being said it almost appears as though i'm
sacrificing all relationships in order to have the dream and that's not
what i'm saying i'm saying that you will sacrifice old relationships and
you will create room for new ones and so i think that there is this i
don't know old wives tale or a societal expectation that if someone
sheds friends for lack of a better term or loses friends or friends you
know dissipate into the distance over time that they are a non-constant
person and i think that

10 00:09:00.000 --\> 00:10:00.000 the answer to that question is yes we
grow and unless the friends you have are growing with you and are
pushing you to grow then they are probably not friends who will stay
with you for the long haul and so for me i'll leave with this kind of
last thing that i think about for the people that i want to be friends
with i want friends who root for me behind my back and that is rare most
people do not root for you behind your back it is sad that there are
more strangers on the internet who root for me than people who knew me
from back home and it's because we had a shared context at home and the
discrepancy between where you are and where they are over time they
personalize the fact that they are not with you because they had the
same resources at the same beginning and so you're in a different place
as a result of your own decisions and so as a result they feel bad and
they don't like that and you're a reminder of that what i seek from the
friends that i have um are one that they genuinely are rooting for me
and that is evidenced by them rooting for me behind my back i also hope
that they talk to my face because that is what makes life worth living
uh for me but i hope

11 00:10:00.000 --\> 00:11:00.000 to admire them i want to strive to be
more like my friends in certain ways and i hope that they raise the bar
for me to be better and be better in the ways that i want to be better
and so in that way picking friends who are people who are further ahead
of you doesn't have to be financially it can just be it can be in
marriage it can be physically it can be whatever and then the hope is
that you are better in some ways than they are and then they can grow
from you in that way and in that way you both get better and then you
have a an extended exchange that continues directionally towards both of
your goals my definitions and my view on friendship has changed over
time it probably will continue to develop and refine but i mean this
because i have a lot of people who message me and are like hey i feel
really alone right now i don't feel like a lot of people are supporting
me and i make this video say that's okay and i think that there are
seasons and at the end of a season when you have a vacuum someone does
step in to fill it and i can promise you that if you have a

12 00:11:00.000 --\> 00:12:00.000 higher standard and you wait and you
don't just give of yourself for no reason just because you are afraid to
be alone or be without friends you will end up with better friends who
actually root for you and are not just place fillers or false friends
who you know smile to your face but stab you behind your back or
actually talk down on you and so i think if you can have that bar and
you can have that tolerance you can give yourself that space and that
permission to say i've lost a friend and that's okay and i still love
them as a human even if i can't give the time that i once did because it
doesn't make sense for me anymore because we've grown apart and that's
okay and so i've given myself that permission to say these are the
prices that i'm willing to pay to grow into the person that i want to be
and that's okay and so mosey nation i love you all the road can be can
be arduous but i i think the road itself is the reason we do it because
of the person that we hope to become and the process of becoming which
is the successes i've defined it is the process of becoming and the
process of striving is the success and so anyways my friends keeping
awesome i love you all i'll see you guys in the next vid bye
